Healing From An Emotionally Unavailable Father | Kati Morton

Order my book today! ARE U OK? http://geni.us/sva4iUY Many of us didn’t grow up with a loving and thoughtful father, instead having an abusive, absent, or unreliable one. Even though this hurt occurred when we were younger, and possibly still living at home, we can take these unhealthy lessons with us and continue to apply them to our relationships for the rest of our lives. The book that I found to be the most helpful when creating this video was The Unavailable Father by Sarah Simms Rosenthal because she not only gives you ways to heal but she also shares stories from other people who have had similar struggles. She addresses the 6 types of unavailable fathers we can encounter: the disapproving father, the mentally ill father, the substance-abusing father, the abusive father, the unreliable father, and the absent father. It’s important to note, however, that we can have combinations of these 6 types. Our father could be abusing alcohol as well as being abusive to us, or he could shift from one type to another over our childhood. The first step is to figure out what type of father you had. Was he never around? Always drunk and angry? Did he have a mental illness that made him unpredictable and easily upset? Consider the 6 types I mentioned and note which ones you feel represent your relationship with your father. Recall how you were really treated by your father as a child. This will take some internal and external research. You could journal, talk to your siblings or other parent (or even your father if it’s safe and something you are able to do without blaming and fighting with him), do whatever you need to do in order to figure out just what it was like for you. Recognize what coping skills or defense mechanisms you used back then that helped you survive. Did you hide yourself in your school work hoping that your perfect grades would make him happy? Did you try to go unnoticed so that you wouldn’t upset him? Were you afraid to have friends over because you didn’t know if your dad was going to be angry, drunk, or acting crazy? You can also ask close friends or family members about this as well, because they may help you remember things you have stuffed down and tried to forget. Consider which of those coping skills or defense mechanisms are still active in your life today? Are they holding you back from having the happiness you deserve? Do you still utilize some of those same tools and techniques to keep you safe? Maybe you are still a workaholic or try to go unnoticed in any situation. Come up with some new ways to think and behave that are more in line with what we want out of our life. Meaning that some of the defense mechanisms or coping skills we are still using don’t really serve us anymore, and are actually holding us back. What can we do differently to move us in a more happy and healthy direction? These are not distraction techniques, but instead actions that we will take that go against our unhealthy urges or patterns of behavior. It could be leaving work on time instead of always staying late. Or challenging ourselves to say yes to that person at work who’s always asking us if we want to grab lunch with them. Try it out! This is by far the hardest part, but we won’t know if we don’t try. This will work out best if we first build up our courage and self esteem. Start speaking kindly to yourself at the end of each day, reading and re-reading loving letters or cards you have received over the years, going through happy photos with friends, asking close friends to share with you why they like you. Once you begin to feel a bit better about yourself, try out some of your new ideas! Video from LifeNoggin https://youtu.be/1ETSnQZOssc The Emotionally Unavailable Father book on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2JOXkoyTry​ ​BetterHelp:​ http://tryonlinetherapy.com/katimorton Plans​ ​start​ ​at​ ​$35​ ​a​ ​week​ ​(billed​ ​monthly).​ ​Must​ ​be​ ​18+​ ​to​ ​signup.If you want to add translations, click the gear icon and go to Subtitles/CC then to Add subtitles or CC!PATREON Do you want to help support the creation of mental health videos? https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/JOURNALING & MOTIVATION TEXT SERVICE I have launched a new tool to help you journal & stay motivated. I know getting started on our path to self care can be hard and sometimes sticking with it can be even more difficult. That’s why I created this tool! I’ll be sending you messages twice a week, and my hope is that this can help get you thinking and writing more easily, or possibly take your journaling in a new and helpful direction. Let’s get started: https://create.getpurple.io/p/katimorton/CONTACT Business email: [email protected] Mail: PO Box #665 1223 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403WORKBOOKS Please visit the Itunes Bookstore and Search "Kati Morton". My Ibooks include exclusive videos and worksheets to help you on your path to wellness.