In Loving Memory of Baby Jordan who was born at 29 weeks premature. RIP Lil Angel

JORDAN JONATHAN STEVENS: OMG WHERE DO I BEGIN.... I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO START OFF!!! JORDAN, EVER SINCE I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT WITH YOU, MY WHOLE LIFE CHANGED IN SO MANY WAYS. EVERYTHING I HEARD, SEEN, OR DID REVOLVED AROUND YOU! WHEN WE HEARD YOUR HEARTBEAT FOR THE FIRST TIME, IT WAS LIKE MUSIC TO BOTH MINE AND YOUR DADDY'S EARS. WHEN WE SAW YOU WIGGLE FOR THE FIRST TIME, IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING FEELING EVER, YOU WERE PUNCHING AND KICKING LIKE KRAZY... I HAD SO MUCH JOY AND HAPPINESS KNOWING THAT YOU WERE GROWING HEALTHY LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED 2. BUT WE STARTED TO NOTICE THAT YOU DIDNT MOVE ANYMORE LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO. I WENT IN FOR ULTRASOUND EVERY 3 WEEKS AND STILL WE SAW NO MORE MOVEMENT. WE SEEN A STEADY HEALTHY HEART BEAT, SO WE FIGURED YOU WERE GONNA BE A LAZY BABY LIKE YOUR MOMMA. STILL WE WENT BACK FOR MORE ULTRASOUNDS AND AROUND 25 WEEKS WE HAD A 4D ULTRASOUND DONE, THAT DAY MY WHOLE WORLD SWITCHED UPSIDE DOWN!!!.... THE TECH TOLD US THAT HE HAD FOUND A FEW ABNORMAL FINDING THAT WOULD NOT LET YOU SURVIVE OUTSIDE THE WOMB :( WE LEFT THE CLINIC DEVASTATED AND DEPRESSED. I CRIED FOR DAYS KNOWING THAT YOU WERENT GONNA BE HERE LONG ENOUGH TO EVER SEE YOU TAKE YOUR FEW STEPS, KNOWING I WOULD NEVER HEAR THE WORDS MOMMY COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, OR THAT YOU WOULDNT EVEN MAKE IT TO YOUR 1ST BIRTHDAY!...EVEN THOUGH I PRAYED EVERY MINUTE I COULD AND ASKED GOD FOR A MIRACLE, I KNEW THAT IF HE WANTED TO TAKE YOU THEN HE WOULD DO IT. I COULDNT EVEN GO TO THE STORE WITHOUT LEAVING HEART BROKEN.... I SEEN BABIES WITH THEIR MOTHERS, TODDLERS ASKING FOR THIS AND THAT. AND JUST SEEING THAT BROKE ME DOWN KNOWING I WASNT STRONG ENOUGH AT THE TIME TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU WEREN'T GONNA BE HERE WITH US. DAYS PASSED AND STILL I GREW WEAKER, KNOWING IT WAS GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO YOUR DUE DATE. i KNEW YOU WERENT GOING TO MAKE IT TO YOUR DUE DATE SO I PREPARED MYSELF FOR THE WORST. THE DAY FINALLY CAME WHEN I JUST COULDNT TAKE MY BACK PAIN ANYMORE AND I STARTED SPOTTING!...WE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL TO GO GET CHECKED AND THEY TOLD ME I WAS HAVING CONTRACTIONS AND WAS 1CM DIALATED!!!...I FORGOT ABOUT WHAT THEY HAD TOLD ME ABOUT YOU KNOW BEING ABLE TO SURVIVE OUTSIDE THE WOMB. i WAS SOOOO EXCITED THAT I WAS FINALLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO MEET YOU AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU ALREADY!!! THEY KEPT ME OVER NIGHT TO MONITOR ME, THEY DID AN ULRASOUND AND TOLD ME YOU WERE IN A TRANSVERSE POSITION AND THAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE DELIVERED THROUGH A C-SECTION. THEY SCHEDULED ME AT 7:30AM THE NEXT MORNING. ME AND YOUR DADDY DIDN'T SLEEP THAT NIGHT. WE STAYED UP TALKING FOR HOURS UNTIL IT WAS TIME FOR US TO GET READY FOR YOUR DELIVERY. AT THAT POINT I TOLD MYSELF THAT I WAS DELIVERING AN ANGEL AND THAT EVEN THOUGH IT HURT SOOO MUCH FOR ME TO ACCEPT THAT, I DID. ON 8/17/09 AT 7:54AM YOU WERE BORN. I REMEMBER YOUR DADDY BRINGING YOU TO ME AND WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU, I COULDNT BELIEVE HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU WERE!!!!! SO HANDSOME, SO PEACEFUL, SO TINY, SO PRECIOUS, SO PERFECT!!! I ASKED FOR MY PHONE AND INSTANTLY STARTED TAKING PICTURES OF YOU!... I FINALLY GOT TO HOLD YOU AND YOU WERE SO FRAGILE, AND SO TINY.... I KISSED YOU AND TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU AND ALL SORTS OF EMOTIONS JUST BURST OUT OF ME. ALL SORTS OF THOUGHTS RAN THROUGH MY HEAD. I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO FEEL KNOWING I WAS ABOUT TO LOSE MY ONE AND ONLY SON!.... EVERYONE WHO WAS THERE HELD YOU AND ADMIRED ON HOW PRECIOUS AND BEAUTIFUL YOU WERE. ALL THE NURSES WERE SURPRISED TO SEE THAT A PREEMIE YOUR AGE WAS AN ABSOLUTE CUTIE!!!.... EVERYONE WHO SAW YOU SAID YOU DID LOOK LIKE AN ANGEL BECAUSE YOU WERE AN ANGEL THE WHOLE TIME!...AT 9:24AM THE NURSE CAME IN AND LISTENED TO SEE IF YOU STILL HAD A HEART BEAT. SHE COULDNT FIND ONE ANYMORE AND WHEN SHE TOLD ME, I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO TAKE IT. ALL I KNEW IS THAT GOD HAD A PLAN FOR YOU, AND FOR US. JORDAN YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY!!! I THINK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME AND I ALWAYS HAVE FLASHBACKS OF THE DAY YOU CAME INTO THIS WORLD. EVEN KNOW YOU NEVER CRIED, I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU NEVER OPENED YOUR EYES, I CAN STILL SEE YOU!!! AND EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT HERE WITH US ANYMORE, SOMEHOW I CAN STILL FEEL YOU!!! I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN, AND THAT MOMMY LOVES YOU SOOO MUCH. NOBODY CAN EVER REPLACE YOU JJ, YOU'VE TOUCHED MY HEART AND THE HEARTS OF EVERYONE WHO SAW YOU!...YOU WERE A TRUE ANGEL SENT FROM UP ABOVE AND IM HONORED TO HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO DELIVER YOU!!! ONE DAY WE WILL MEET AGAIN BABY BOY AND UNTIL THAT DAY COMES, I CAN ONLY BE PATIENT AND WAIT UNTIL THE LORD REUNITES US AGAIN!!! I LOVE YOU WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE AND NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THE IMPACT YOU HAD ON MY LIFE!!! R.I.P MY SWEET ANGEL BABY