I am the Fattest Girl in My School | I Was in Depression

Hi, everybody. I’m Barbara. I am 14. And I’m the fattest girl in my school. I can eat three burgers at a time. I want to share my story with you. I’ll tell you how I came to such a life. Actually, I was a very slender and fragile girl when I was a kid. I was quite flexible too. So at 4 I was seriously engaged in artistic gymnastics. I got some small and big victories on the competitions and I made my family be proud of me soon. My classmates were jealous of me. Boys were trying to woo me, and my coach just worshipped me. When I was 12, my parents divorced. Somehow my father started living with a new woman at once. And my mom began to hit the bottle. Her unrestrained drinking could last for several days in a row. For me, they were a real hell: no food, much dirt and some shady guys at home. By the court order, I ought to spend the weekend at my dad’s where I felt no better. I didn’t like to be around his new girlfriend and watch them embracing and doing other sloppy endearments. His new girlfriend didn’t like me at all either. When we stayed alone, she changed her face and started saying nasty things to me. For some time, gymnastics was my only blowhole. But I gave it up because of the conflict between me and other girls. I could fix that one but then I had no moral resources for that. So, I just buried my head in the sand and left. So, I gave up sports and got depressed. I felt lonely and it was painful. I couldn’t see my parents as people to rely on, my classmates whispered about my family drama right behind my back, my friends distanced from me. I started pamper myself with yums to put a few bright colours in my life. I always had something to eat in my bag — snacks, chocolate, chips. I ate them before classes, after school, during the break time and sometimes even during the classes. For the first two months I was enjoying my new status of a lone wolf who had lost everyone at once. “And so what?” I was thinking and continued munching cookies. Actually, sweets and snacks get you away from your problems a bit. So I felt pretty comfortable at school and paid no attention to side-away glances and mockeries. But then the aggression went from passive to active. I started hearing such words like «pecker breath», «tanker», «fatso», «mare» and «bomb». Things got worse because of my depression. I used to be one of the most beautiful and popular girls in my school. I used to get the admiration looks from boys. I was always self-confident and I knew I was beautiful. It’s so hard to become an outcast after such a splendid glory. After two months of fast-food bender I decided to have a look at the mirror. Sounds weird, but I really didn’t do that during two months. I saw big flanks and belly, cellulitis covering my thighs and lots of ugly stretches. I was shocked by what I had seen. I understood that the problems with my classmates were caused not by the personal issues of my parents’ divorce but by me, becoming fat and scuffy. I was looking like a nightmare. I stepped on the scale, hoping my eyes would lie to me — I couldn’t believe a gained 33 pounds just in two months! But it was a sad truth. Then I decided to get myself together and put myself on a diet. First, I threw away all the sweets and junk food and went for jogging. But that night I lashed out and went to the store to buy some cookies. I ate it and cried because I hated myself for my weakness. But I promised myself to go for a jogging the next morning anyway. I couldn’t fulfil my own promise... The next morning my legs were hurting so bad it was impossible to move them. I decided to put doing sports away for a while. At school things started getting worse. I used to be the best at PE class. But now I could hardly run 200 meters which was a great fun for my classmates. I got a new nickname: «chumbley». Over the time any day spent at school was a nightmare. I became the fattest girl at school. Nobody talked to me neither my classmates nor the teachers. I started studying really bad... Because I was even afraid to speak out in class. Any attempt to do it could provoke another wave of mockeries and bullying. I couldn’t fit into my clothing anymore. It’s hard to explain what I was thinking about. My mind was full of cries for help. I wanted to get back to normal life so bad. But nobody understood it. No-one was there to save me. I couldn’t help myself either.